I wrote my first post about the things I’ve learnt about life since moving out home about a year after I left my parents place (so many skills, guys, I feel like TV lied to me about how to an adult – but it’s ok, I’m making up for it one popcorn dinner at a time). This is my fifth year out of my parents’ snug little nest and the fourth in my shoebox apartment. And man, the things you figure out. The things no one told you. The things my mom probably did but I totally wasn’t listening.
What constitutes a “food group” or a “meal” is very different when you’re a parent (hi mom) and an Adult Child. I firmly believe that if Olivia Pope can kick ass and live on wine and popcorn alone, so can I. Well, and coffee. What’s that? Olivia isn’t real? Uh, #whatevs.
Other great example of I’m-an-adult-but-why-must-I-feed-myself dinners include baked potatoes (made in the microwave), tins of tuna fish, two minute noodles topped with cheese, toast/cereal, cheese on Salticracks at ANY time of the month and ice cream.
I’ve (yet) to develop any major vitamin deficiencies, so I can’t be doing it too wrong.
Be prepared, my Adult Childings, this one’s next level.
I’ve been doing my own washing since I left home (except bedding because there is no space between my kitchen-lounge-bedroom to erect THAT many clothes horses). But there’s one thing I haven’t been doing to my clothes. For fives years.
That’s right. I only bought an iron in January this year.
The secret to not having to iron anything you own?
Buy clothes made out material that doesn’t fucking crease and wrinkle, dammit. Like cotton.
If you MUST (MUST) go with something that requires a hot implement to smother it before you pull it close to your skin: put it on a hanger, hang it in your bathroom, have a hot shower – steamed and done.
I. Hate. Cockroaches. However, I live in a massive complex behind another student complex and several restaurants. My body corporate offers fumigation services twice a year. You know what I get after they fumigate?
*shudder* But, fear not, cockroaches won’t kill you. If they’re small (fingernail size), scoop them in toilet paper (keeping your arms extended as far as possible from your body), run (don’t walk) to the bathroom and flush the toilet (several hundred times). You’ll be safe.
Unless it’s a big roach.
Then you’re just fucked. Move out. Buy new things. The roach probably touched all your things anyway.
Closing Pro Tips:
1. Drop something behind your fridge (that’s in an enclosed space)? If it has a handle, use your broom/mop/Floorwiz to get it out. Just don’t drop the Floorwiz when the handle isn’t extended. Cause, lol, screwed.
If it doesn’t have a handle, you’ll get it back when you move out.
2. Pick n Pay brand > Actual brands.
3. When the bottle store people recognise you, it’s not a sign you buy too much wine. It’s a sign you’ve made friends.
4. Playing Taylor Swift on repeat probably makes your neighbours hate you. That’s probably why they’ve been playing Rihanna/Eminem ‘Love the way you lie’ every night. For over a week.
5. Aftersun lotion works well on cooking burns. And hot iron burns. Also: don’t test if the hot things are hot by touching them. They probably are hot.
6. Sell by/use by dates are merely a suggestion. Unless it’s year-old two minute noodle. Then it will taste like mouldy plastic.
7. You can never have enough kitchen cupboards. Also, tupperware hurts when it falls from high cupboards onto your head.
8. You only need two cleaning products: Handy Andy and Mr Muscle.
All images found by the power of Google.
I’ll get better with all my linking back I swear.