I Feel Like I’m A Bad Feminist

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When asked to describe myself in a few words, feminist always makes it into the mix. Shock, horror, white girl in her late 20s likes to call herself a feminist. I believe, essentially, that women and men are equal but centuries of patriarchy has warped that balance to the detriment of both men and women, and very often, it’s so subtle we don’t even realise it. I don’t believe that women are better than men or that #allmen are dicks.

But I can’t be bothered with which ‘wave’ of feminism I fall into. I can’t be bothered to join every Twitter and Facebook war (anymore). I can’t be bothered to yell every time a magazine uses a skinny model or calls a normal sized girl ‘plus sized’. But this isn’t what makes me a bad feminist (at least to me).

What makes me a bad feminist is, fuck it, I want to be taken care of in a relationship.

I feel guilty admitting it. It feels taboo and that my Feminist Membership will be revoked. I’m headstrong, I’m stubborn, I’m emotionally and physically strong as all hell, but I want to be taken care of in a relationship. I want a ‘man’, I want someone I can rely on – someone who’ll take control and be in charge.

I want someone who will do those stereotypical male things for me – open jars even though I can do it, pick me up after work, plan dates, spoil me with flowers and inconsequential material goods,who’ll make a fire and braai the meat, who’ll change my tire instead of me having to call the AA and know how to jump start my car, who’ll pull out my chair and who’ll make the big moves.

And this makes me feel like I am failing my ’cause’. As a strong woman I feel I should be okay with doing all these things for myself – and on one level, I am, because I do it all every day (except for that car shit, that’s what the AA and dads are for, seriously, cars). And maybe it’sΒ because I do it all every day that I crave someone to sometimes, do these things for me. I’m in charge at work, I’m the strong, dependable one in so many aspect of my life that sometimes, often, I’d like an area of my life where I get to take the backseat for a while and have someone else be in charge and take care of me.

img source: tumblr, somewhere

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